Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
