So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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