And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
