actually, I'm a sock model
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
