none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
