If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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