YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
