Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
