Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
