We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
