definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
