it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
