The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
