You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
