Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
