Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
