Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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