Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
