I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i believe in u and ur pee
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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