M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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