why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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