I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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