You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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