I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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