I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
