on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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