i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize