Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
