I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
