it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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