So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
