hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
