We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
