sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
