I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
