Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
