I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
