I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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