im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
