"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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