I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
