I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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