This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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