and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
