I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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