the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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