Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
