I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I touched a dick in church today
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
