Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
