Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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