Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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