I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just google imaged poop.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Two words: blizzard sex
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
