I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
