it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
