You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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