the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
