Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
