Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
