R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
