i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
