I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
