Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
3 2 1 whiskey
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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