I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
