you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
