obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
zippers are such a cool invention
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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