My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
