and she was petting her beer can
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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