How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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