I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
