i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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