I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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