I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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