So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
