Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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