i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
