would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize