when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
