Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
