My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
