I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
