By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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