I want to have your abortion
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
