And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
