Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
