I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
